Hello again, world! Sorry for my absence lately…
It is time to summarize my condition and status concerning the CI-process again. What has happened since last time and what is current approximate time schedule?
It’s now a rough period for me. Things are heavier and I struggle with a lot of different things internally. It began this late summer. Personal life hit a speed bump and for the first time since I “hit the wall” back in 2006 I have regressed somewhat. The positive in this rough patch is that this time I’m more aware of what is happening, and I’ve been strong enough to avoid depression and destructive “artificial solutions”. This is very much thanks to the ongoing psychological therapy I continuously attend. And of course, it has mostly to do with my inner strength and my own reflections and attitude. My therapist constantly reminds me of that. It is about time I remind myself too. I feel like I have finally grown up, at the age of 36! Way to go, I say to myself. Better late than never 😉
Life in general
I have projects to keep me busy. I’m fixing up the apartment these days. Painting doors white (they had this dreadful dirty greenish seventies retro color with dark brown/black frames. Some retro is cool, but these doors were outright depressing). I paint both the frames and the door blades white and give them new brushed steel handles which is much nicer. Maybe it’s new doors of perception I am making? I certainly will perceive them differently after this refurbishment and renewal process.
I also have a long “to do-list” hanging on the refrigerator, so when I have the money for it, I’ll continue on that.
My son is at my place a lot, which is a handful for me, but very rewarding and pleasing. We have a lot of fun. Maybe I’m too much of a weekend-dad, but hey, life is too short to be an uptight authority figure all the time… My son gives my existence a real meaning. A reason to keep fighting and to stay in there.
I just started my own company. Got it registered and already have one big client which is enough at the time. Since I’m a beneficiary of a government support arrangement, I’m only allowed to earn a certain amount extra, which suits me fine. I’m not able to work that much anyway. So this arrangement is perfect at the time being. I’m starting something new, I’m keeping busy, avoiding the couch potato depression and making myself ready for post CI.-surgery.
My familys place in Sweden is a resource for me. I can do all sorts of physical labor things there, at my own pace and only the stuff I enjoy doing. It is a sort of therapy, to do practical things. When I focus at the task at hand, I can forget about the whole world and everything for a time. Things I do is various tasks with our 1959 Fordson Power Major tractor, building a tree hut for the kids (will eventually have three floors and be the hut I dreamed about as a kid 🙂 ), maintaining a patch of forest wood as a lumberjack. We’re also currently trying to fix up a garden that had been dormant for 6 years or so. We’re making a rose garden with all sorts of roses. That includes trying to make a whole new lawn on a patch that is about 25 x 75 meters.
I take kayak trips, photograph, do some woodcarving, welding, fix my car and play around in this great workshop garage that we have, fixing boat engines among other things. I play with the idea of building a go-cart for my son with a lawn-mover engine…
Also I’m making plans for the future. The business and my new company is part of that. I am now able to try it out on a small scale, make experiences, and can then make a more qualified decision when I am going back to working properly again. I look forward to that. Get out, meet people, be social, and enjoy my home and free time with good consciousness.