Oh, what to write? Or not to write?

Did I get it or not? Wait! Don’t cheat by reading down just yet! Follow letter by letter!

I smirk, a little curve on my lips, a little smile, a little bigger smile, a smile, a bigger smile, even bigger smile, huge smile, A BIG GRIN!  😀

I GOT CI!!!! YES!!!!

I have to tell you, it was such a relief to get that message from the doctor, and the way he did it is a story in itself 🙂

We sat down around a table, after the initial handshakes, and even before I got the chance to sit down properly, he just said, “we will offer you CI”. NICE :-D  No tact, and no time to get really nervous or to start wonder what the answer would be…  Well, needless to say, that was a major moment for me! 🙂 It took two seconds for me to look into his face to look for any sign of a joke or a countersignal, but he was sincere and dead serious. Then the understanding reached my cortex… It was like detonating an emotional nuclear device 🙂

My girlfriend sat next to me, and I had to hide in her lap a few moments while I gathered myself to continue the conversation. It was such a relief. Almost 4 years of waiting was finally over in that moment.

As we took up the conversation again, they quickly discovered that I knew everything they were going to say. But, we have to follow protocol, and they needed to say all the necessary things…

I was told all the standard warnings about the procedure being close to the facial and taste-nerves, that not everything might go as planned and that I should be ready for a less than good result etc etc.

Then they wanted to talk about choosing the device, either MED EL, Freedom or AB. I quickly told them that I made my choice long time ago, and they were thrilled and we all had a good laugh. We went through the various features anyway, just to make sure I had all the facts. I have a feeling they don’t usually get patients that know as much as I do about this subject… But, informed as I already am, I had absolutely no doubts in my mind. I’m going for Advanced Bionics, and I also chose the color, Dark Sienna. It’s the device I waited another extra year for. I could have been here with a Freedom or MED EL today, but I have from quite early in my process known that Advanced Bionics was the CI I want. Abby pretty much sums it up for us all here.

Surgery date has not been hammered yet, but it should be around the 22-24th of July. Not idealistic concerning our holiday, but, hey, I’ve been waiting for this for so long, and I’m not waiting a day more unless I have to! Also, my girlfriend wants to be with me during the whole ordeal, and what better time than during our holiday for this? 🙂

I’m a very, very, very lucky man!

My thoughts now goes to those who are not so fortunate. I want all of you who read this to join me in a moment of contemplation: Think of all those individuals that live on our planet under less privileged conditions and has no idea that CI even exists! And think of all those who knows about this, but has no government to provide the proper healthcare or who cannot afford a proper health insurance coverage… It’s such a shame the world is so unfair!

I know all too well how it is for you, what you struggle with and I wish something could be could done about this for everyone…

I hereby pledge that I will honor those less fortunate by being the best person and human being I can be, and to advocate for CI for children and late deafened adults.

Second and final pre-screening session tomorrow!

I’m eagerly awaiting for tomorrow to arrive 🙂

Finally I will meet the CI-team at Rikshospitalet and find out if I’m eligible for a CI or not. I have very few doubts in that regard, but have to prepare for the worst, of course. As well as for the best 😉

Right now my tinnitus has been roaring like a ships fog-horn for the last week (only with a slightly higher hertz frequency). It goes to the extent that I rather listen to exhausting sounds than turn off my hearing aid to rest my brain… It’s a catch22- situation. But I’m holding on to my sanity thanks to my work, family, son and my great girlfriend. She will join me tomorrow at the hospital, and for that I’m ever grateful. It will be good to have someone’s hand to hold. I expect some fierce emotional reactions no matter the outcome… Especially if the answer is yes, we’re GO! 🙂

Sorry for not writing anything lately. All my strength now go towards self preservation and building a future life with my girlfriend (did I mention that she is a fantastic girlfriend? I’m a very lucky man! :-D  ).

I’m working a little bit for my own company, but had a recent incident that had a huge impact on one of my customers. My concentration is a constant issue that concerns me. I have to work twice as hard in double checking everything I do…

Hearing-wise, I’m probably at my life’s lowest point right now. I comfort myself with the fact that it can only get better. Either I go completely deaf, or I get CI. Either one is OK 🙂

Some days I feel great, everything is fine. Other days are like the world has been covered with steel wool. Everything is hard to grasp, hard to deal with, hard to get to. Even resting up is hard… But despite this, I’m able to keep my head up, my good spirit is never buried for long. I have much hope and a lot to live for!

I will be a better, healthier man!

I wish to dedicate this post to Michael Chorost. I recently read his book: “Rebuilt”. It gave me more insight and a lot more hope in a time when I needed it. (I bought that book two years ago, and have been saving it for a time when I was ready to read it). Thanks, Michael! (I want a sequel to that book, with your experiences with two CI’s!)

I feel like I know you a little now 🙂