Unrealistic Expectations from the World? Audism?

What do people expect from me? They expect me to participate in social activities and to be part of the “common consciousness”. That is a fair expectation in my opinion. In this blog post I want to take a look at some circumstances and  obstacles concerning these expectations. I think it will be wise to read the definition of some of the words I use, they are Prayer-no-expectationlinked, as the word “expectation” was just linked.. That way we will be on the “same page”.

In this aspect I am thinking about what we expect and when we expect it in terms of my hearing progress. This is also a sore and difficult point on my behalf, since it is much about social interaction and how I am perceived socially. How I am viewed as a person.

As I’m going the path of CI rehabilitation and re-learning to hear, I am doing some discoveries about expectations of my recovery from both myself and others near and dear.

Me, a social outsider

All my life I’ve been a part of the hearing world, and thus a social outsider. Even among my closest friends and family, I got and still get, remarks and comments that hurt to the core of my being. I’m sometimes left with a feeling that people suspect me of WANTING to be isolated or withdrawn from issues that are talked about. I often feel misunderstood and misinterpreted. For instance my withdrawal from social events is sometimes being interpreted as a lack of interest, or attempt to socialize. That is so unfair and sad. I’ll explain why…

The more people talking at the same time, the more impossible it is for me to interact in a meaningful way. Believe me when I say I really wish I was able to interact with others on their terms, but there is a huge damage in my hearing that makes that incredibly hard. There is a limit to everyone’s mental capacity and endurance. My limit is shorter than most in terms of social interaction due to the nature of listening and understanding.

Read the rest of this entry »

Tinnitus management course step 1

As promised, I will write about the tinnitus management course I’m following. First of all, this is not a miracle cure. The tinnitus will not go away. It is a way to provide me with the mental skill to control the tinnitus through relaxation and focusing on mental images in order to suppress the tinnitus to the back of my consciousness. It takes weeks. But it’s only like 20 – 40 minutes per day. When I have learned the skills, it’s supposed to be an automatic part of me.

It is a training regime I have started on, which is important to follow, because the training slowly will give me the ability to “turn off” the stress in my body, thus making it less likely that tinnitus dominates my thoughts. It has a lot in common with yoga. Nobody learns to ice-skate in one hour, it is an exercise that takes hours and hours of trying and falling. In the middle of this training, I constantly remind myself, that the goal is to control the tinnitus, rather than the tinnitus controlling me. By following this regime, I believe I will be able to do just that. My motivation is strong. You will need motivation to see this through. It can seem pointless and without effect. But I have chosen to believe that this really IS something, and that it IS working 🙂

sitting man The first step is about learning how to relax my muscles. It is done by sitting undisturbed on a chair with a straight back, head up, resting on the neck. The goal is to sit as effortlessly as possible. Soles of your feet should be 100% in contact with floor or ground. It is very much as the man in the picture I have included here. It is also important to be in solitary, i.e. disturbances are not welcome in this exercise. It is just as much a physical one, as it is a mental one.

The point is to calm down. The details on Step 1 follows…

Read the rest of this entry »

Stress, stress management, tinnitus and the road ahead


Dedicated to funnyoldlife, who is having her first CI on february 25th! Good luck to you!


In the last few months I have been increasingly aware of the impact stress has and HAS HAD on me. In this post I will get into the subject of stress related to my hearing history and to sound-triggered stress reactions. It will be my subjective observations and thoughts, and by no means a scientific paper of any sort. If you would like to read up on various forms of stress, stressors and the short and long term impacts, this article from The Franklin Institute is a good place to start. Also keep in mind, that this is a complex issue, there is a lot more to this subject than I write or think about…


Read the rest of this entry »

Posted in deaf. 4 Comments »