Hard to understand?

I just read some of my former posts…  And one thing suddenly occurred to me as a difficult thing to understand; the fact that I get tired of what could be best described as faint noises… How is that possible when I’m so hard of hearing and next to deaf?

Well, the explanation is that the hearing aids I use are tuned to it’s maximum, perhaps a little over the top too…. For me a tractor working on a field a couple of hundred meters away from where I sit is audible (and annoying). The refrigerator has been mentioned. I pull out my hearing aids and listen to the tinnitus instead, it is less tiring actually.
All the faint sounds represent sound pollution to me. Since I need to rest (my hearing) when I’m not communicating verbally or when I have the (nowadays) occasional music listening experience, those faint sounds becomes obsolete sounds. That is by definition noise, to me.

My brain constantly seeks better understanding of the sounds it receives, and thus drains my resources constantly. That is how it must be. But when almost all the hearing has gone, the brains tries to compensate by working harder. My eyes (aka curiosity) seek out visual confirmation of the audio-signals the brain receives.

The hearing aids are designed to enhance ANY sound it receives. It has no way of making a distinction between noise and needed sounds. THIS fact causes overload on my hearing organ and my brain, since this is a constant condition.

The brain is the most fascinating organ in our body, as it is able to compensate and change during our lifetime. Loss of hearing causes other senses to kick in stronger, and when sound is still present, the brain will obviously continue to make the most of it.

The problem presents itself when I, as a human being, are met, and lives with demands that is contradictory to the auditory loss. Add the strains of everyday life in terms of stress, work, rush hours, information overload etc etc, and you have the recipe for a brain blackout if one is not aware of the danger of it.

Plus, I have to work extra hard to communicate with everyone around me. In that I have no choice. It is not an option to isolate myself from the real world where people I love and care for are. If I do that I am certain that depression and darker days will follow. That makes things worse.

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Pre-sleep-phenomenon

Oh yes, I have for a long time wanted to describe a re-occurring  phenomenon that takes place just before I fall asleep. Obviously I have taken out my hearing aids some 10 to 20 minutes before…

It is like a switch is being flicked inside my ears and head. Difficult to describe, but I will try…

Imagine you are on a voyage in a plane or a boat which makes a constant high-pitched engine-noise. This voyage takes all day long, and the noise is there all the time. And just before you fall asleep, someone turns that noise off like magic. It’s like landing on soft cotton-clouds after being tossed and heaved around all day… I can feel a “wave” of electric current sweeping from the front of my head to the back, very quick. It’s like the shock of icy-cold water thrown on your head while lying down, only that this sensation is rather pleasant…. Does this makes sense?

This sensation occurs every night just before I fall asleep. When it happens, I know that I’m seconds away from sleeping…. Very pleasant and soothing.

If anyone has experienced similar, I would like to know. If someone has an idea something might explain this phenomenon, I want to know….  🙂

Yogatrial

Learning a little yoga-exercises these days. They are very interesting in the way they affect me. I am using several exercises, and one is for the ears. The fun thing is that my ears feel warm after the exercise! I will continue for a few weeks in order to give it time to “work”. I have faith that the yoga-exercises actually could benefit my general health and stamina-situation…

I have hopes it works against the tinnitus, and that some of the other exercises will help me regain more strength that is so desperately needed…

Again I have to give my heartfelt thanks to my great girlfriend for sharing her knowledge in the eastern way of life….   Thanks honey!!!!

Summertimeout

A timeout for myself. My girlfriend has started her new job at a beautiful place next to the longest fiord in the world; Sognefjorden. The mountains surrounding us on all sides makes this a very special place…

My plan for this timeout is to simply chill. To take a trip within myself. I plan to take some long walks, go on bicycle-trips, see some of the Tour the France, develop some artistic skills in writing and drawing, and of course to help my girl get started at this new place and spend some quiet calm time with her… We need that now…

As for my condition; I still get quickly tired. Today I haven’t used my hearing-aids at all. I just sit here listen to my tinnitus come and go (I have noticed that the tinnitus disappears when I engange my brain into creative activities). The refrigerator here is making a little noise, it wears me out quickly and I don’t even notice it before it’s too late….

Lately I’ve been thinking that maybe I developed some kind of hyper-sensitivity to sounds as well? Is it possible? I mean, I’m loosing my hearing, how can I be hypersensitive for sounds? I read in a newspaper about a guy who had been over-worked, and he told the readers about how he couldn’t stand the sound of newspaper rattling or crumbling. That sort of things…. It makes sense: input overload gives hypersensitivity… It’s a natural reaction to excess input….

I try to listen to music every now and then. To my disappointment, I cannot endure for long. One year ago, I could listen to music for hours. Now I usually have to turn it off after 90 minutes….  And I have started turning the soundlevel down as low as I can. I can’t hear the music as well as with louder sound, but that way I can listen a little longer. Still it’s very limited. It’s just sad. I love music. I always did. Energetic music, moody music, love music, medtitation music and so on. The quieter and slower music doesn’t give me anything anymore. I loose too much of the whole soundpicture for it to be enjoyable. That leaves me with the energetic music with a lot of rythm. The rythm is good. My brain remember many of the songs and certain sounds I cannot hear, I can remember….

Jeez, tired already… I’ll write more in the next few days….. I have more news, but that’ll have to wait 🙂

Tiny update

I’m doing good now. The tinnitus is not troubling me. I have been able to “think” it away. It seems like every time I think: “ah, nice that the tinnitus isn’t bothering me…” it reappears….  That’s something to think about…  It’s all in my head!

Sleep has never been better. Even when changing time I go to bed, falling asleep seems easy these days, and I sleep generally more than I have in many years… Hope this is a sign of healing of some sort…

As for my hearing…. It’s worse than ever, of course….  My awareness is hightened, and I notice more and more arenas where I can tell my hearing is significantly weaker compared to earlier experiences….  I guess it’s both good and bad. Good to be aware, bad that hearing is fading noticeably….  Makes me feel stress about the whole CI-process with the hospital… Still no response to my 3 requests for a response…. Right now ANY response would be appreciated….

So….  My plan for the summer is to take things easy, be with my great girlfriend, my son and my family.

Hope you all will have a great summer… (it’s raining and raining here in Norway, but it doesn’t bothers me, I kinda like it…)