Many things to write now. First of all, I kept my promise to myself to let go a little of this whole hearing/CI thing in my thoughts. That is reflected in the lack of postings herein lately. It has been successful, I spend less time and effort fighting the “inevitable”. My energy has been aimed more elsewhere. The strategy to start focusing on other aspects of life has certainly changed things for yours truly. To the better, I feel. The enormous psychological burden of focusing on things wrong or negative too much is a battle with oneself. There are many ways out of that quagmire. People are different, and has to find each their own path. But it is important for me to stress this point; it is entirely possible to CHOOSE just how much you need to deal with the hard parts. I chose to try and process them to death by confronting them head on. (after I unsuccessfully tried to ignore them) But, the sooner you reach the point where you understand that you should move on, and try to get it past you, tvers better.
Acceptance of situation, is an important step in the well known grieving process. Insert link here…
What happened to me when I reached this point was that I found myself in a scary void. Even despite all the other good things in my life, it (the hearing and CI thing) had taken up so much space in my head that it felt empty trying to purge it.
I went to psychological counseling again, and again I found invaluable help. I feel I’m pretty much out of the problems and in control of my emotions again.
So, after I stared into the abyss and survived, the void had to be filled with other things…
Then find focus elsewhere; I engaged this beautiful woman, started living my life with her, creating US, a family unit. Now I found resources within myself to work better with her, and also to get a hold of a bigger issue that I had put off for too long. This personal “big” issue was put aside in a subconscious way, but in retrospect I see it more clearly. I only wish I could have explained it better to my fiancee at that time. Of course she worried about if I was denying the whole thing. (We both agreed early on it was too big to ignore.) I have to give her a huge credit for trusting me and us, and for her to actually dare to “wait it out”. I know it was super-difficult, and you didn’t waver. Thank you darling! And thank you for kicking my ass exactly when I needed it. I love you so much!
Experiences has been harvested, both good and bad, as it should be in normal life.
The family situation has been a very rewarding experience. It has proven to me what I always have believed; if you stay true to yourself and your values long and hard enough, happiness will follow.
Your head hurts but you can’t bleed…
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