Happy New year everyone!
I am a bit frustrated these days, and that frustration has several sources. I feel a bit stagnated and stuck, I can’t track any sound improvement. On the contrary I feel like sliding backwards every time I’m a bit tired. It is like this: when I’m tired, my brain has less energy, less stamina, and the automatic sound processing deteriorates noticeably. I’m having some of those bad “hear” days, these days.
Other reasons for frustration are personal reasons due to me looking forward to move together with my girlfriend, but have to wait for other parties (paper mill stuff) in order to realize it. And the last prime reason for my frustration is that it is absolutely freezing these days (below –4 F / 20 C), and I can’t find all my winters garments as I’m living at two locations simultaneously and both are a mess at the time.
But on the bright side of life (as Monthy Python likes to sing about :-) ), chaos and challenges is almost always a good thing. A new order rises from it, bringing new perspectives and a feeling of a fresh start.
I’m not constantly working as hard as I used to, in order to understand speech. (I think I manage that part about not working too hard quite well these days, partly due to the seasonal darkness and feeling of powerlessness.) I’m focused on resting up…
A big life altering decision – a new career
One big important thing that I recently decided upon, was that I’m going to pursue a new career. I’m going to put the IT-career on the sideline, keeping it as a bi-income via my own company, and as a hobby. The IT-knowledge will be useful to me no matter what.
This new career involves me first going back to school for 3 or more years. That fills me with both anticipation and fear. Looking forward to new input, knowledge, making new acquaintances, experiences and fearing the situations where I can’t cope in terms of lectures, meetings etc. Will it, as before, be too much for me to overcome?
I want to do something to help others, by becoming a social worker. This field of expertise has many directions in which I can specialize or focus on. I’m thinking about becoming a resource for others that are experiencing more or less the same as I have; hard of hearing, becoming deaf, receiving a CI… This is also a career I can take internationally if opportunity knocks…
As a lifetime goal, I want to help hard of hearing and deaf children and young people in developing countries get more adequate aid in coping with everyday challenges. My mother is in this business by working for Save Our Children (extremely proud of you mom!), and is an inspiration of sorts in this aspect.
Recruitment – my old hearing aids
With reference to this blog post (4th paragraph), I recently got some solid confirmation:
I just got back my old hearing aids, they have been repaired and re-adjusted to my new sound-reality (both have the same program, giving me a spare for the left ear).
The overall sound level has been reduced by 20 dB!
That was a revelation to me, giving me further understanding into what I have been through the last 8-10 years! The new level of sound is what was comfortable to me, after about 5 months of practically no sound on my left ear! This is evidence to me, that I gave my ears a hell of a beating, giving them 20 dB too much sound. (the difference between 90 dB (Traffic on a busy roadway at 10 m) and 110 dB (Jet-engine at 100 m) is A LOT! Possible hearing damage can occur at 120 dB) My poor hair-cells! No wonder they caved in one by one… Recruitment is essentially about too much sound for the few remaining active hair cells to handle! And my recruitment was a BAD, BAD case! I’m still recovering from the burden of it! I also think my presently tormenting tinnitus might be have been induced by, or at least connected to the fact that I overloaded my auditory system year after year, trying to compensate for whatever deterioration was going on inside my cochlea…
I should have had bilateral CI 10 years ago!!! This is a notion the the medical professionals out there; things are allowed to go way too far before action is taken. More focus on prevention and intervention (before health conditions gets too bad) is needed!
Never the less, I have a hearing aid I’m going to try putting back into my left ear in order to preserve the auditory system in my brain and nervous system, only to have it stand by and ready for a second cochlea implant! I have no idea how long I have to wait before I get CI on my left ear too, but I’m sure as hell make sure it is as prepared as it can be! One day I will have it!
Part of me want to put it on right now, and turn on some music… Other part of me is afraid I might get more tired from it again… We’ll see what happens… I’ll certainly will write more about just that!
Most of all I just want that second CI and be done with the ordeal as it is…