Revisiting old demons (emotions) part I

emotions01

Post-surgery day 7. A good day. Dizzyness has significantly decreased.

Today I want to dive into a very heavy subject: psychology. Or to be more precise: the psychological impact of hearing dysfunction in the social context.

I might begin to generalize, and if someone reading this should feel I’m plainly wrong, please feel free to leave a comment. I’m always open for arguments, and I might even edit my post if need be.

I had a very strange day yesterday. I feel my physical shape is improving rapidly and started yesterday with daily chores like the dishwashing (we have no dishwashing machine yet) and laundry for the first time post-op. Of course, I got tired really quickly, and the dizzyness didn’t make it easier to do things. First part of day was good and up-beat.

The latter part was more downbeat, and in an attempt to analyze myself I will tell you about an episode that gave me much to think about (yes, this is the therapeutical part of my blog ;-)  )

settlers We sat down for a game of “Settlers of Catan” in the evening, and things weren’t going my way, gamewise, so I became a little grumpy (I don’t like to loose…  “shocker” :-)  ) and I felt my opponents were conspiring against me. Then, during the game, I caught my opponents talking about what I had done in my last operations (in order to figure out what kind of cards I might have on my hand). I confronted them with this, did I hear correctly? And I got an immediate confirmation. That fired me up immediately. I got angry, and asked them not to do that, and that it was deeply unfair, since I could not follow their conversation properly. They tried to tell me somethin more, but in my I-was-right-about-my-suspicions offended game-rage, I brushed them off. What I failed to learn at that time, was that the conversation that had actually taken place, was a mock-conversation. One was thinking out loud, and the other made mock comments.

After the game I made some obviously unwelcome comments (still being angry, and feeling victimized by a unfair conspiracy that I believed at that time to have been acknowledged and apologized for) about the game strategies of my opponents. The result was that I hurt some feelings and we had to work our way through my misunderstandings. (I react strongly on unfairness, and therefore also have great compassion for others when I’m being unfair to them)

circle4 After understanding and acknowledging the REAL situation, and that I had been somewhat mistaken, I had the visit of what I call my old demons; the emotions called: SHAME, EMBARASSMENT, GUILT, SADNESS, HUMILIATION, SORROW and REGRET.

(this post got too long, the next part will be published tomorrow.)

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