Damned tinnitus

I’ve had it before, but never for such a long period, and never so annoying. It has gone from this rather peculiar cooing sound that pigeons and owls make, to a steady signal. (same frequency – or tone if you prefer) The damned thing also seems to be controllable in some psychological manner… I just put my head to the pillow, real tired and ready for a good nights sleep. In the second I thought, ” good thing I don’t hear the tinnitus now”, it came on full force… (the sound is there almost only when I have taken off mye hearing aids… Just a few times I hear it with normal audio-world on) 

Is the sound there to spite me? Is it imagined, am I going crazy? Is it a sympton of a certain hair-cell in my cochlea that has it’s death-angst-cries before it finally ends? What?

 I have found out, or rather decided that I won’t let that shit annoy me. If I let it annoy me, the only one to suffer the consequences is me. So I rather be like a grass in the wind, I will bend and do something else… I just tried Su Doku, to try to get my mind away from it. Didn’t help now though, ’cause I’m overtired, and the Su Doku thing is on automatic these days. I have done quite a few…. I have a whole book… Working on the “difficult” section now…. After that it is the “fiendish”  section 🙂

So I thought, nah, better write some, use my brain more creatively… And it seems to do the trick… At least the tinnitus has faded a little in strenght….  Strange stuff…. I have to read up on the subject of tinnitus… And add the weblinks I come across to this blog…

As a sidenote; I just came back from a lone-trip to our newly bought small-farm (don’t know what else to call it). No animals or anything, its just a big house, two barns with a workshop and a beautiful lake only 100 meters from the house. I just went about my small projects like fixing up a Mercury outboard engine (9,8 hp), plowing a little field (no real success, I guess I just got bigger respect for farmers), getting the ’59 Fordson Power Major tractor to start again and some creative stuff… (now the tinnitus got stronger and louder again) Point of this sidenote: it was easier to relax, and I feel the tinnitus was fainter too… Perhaps it is all about perception… When I’m tired I perceive the tinnitus as stronger and more disturbing???

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