Status update IV – early autumn 2008 – part 3 of 5

Physical health

Up to a few weeks ago my whole body felt good and I was without any chronic pains for the first time I can remember in my adult life. Back pains are gone, and the last remaining symptoms with muscle pains in my thighs has disappeared.
Headaches, the severe light sensitivity (photophobia) and some other smaller symptoms related to vestibular disturbances also diminished this last year. Even my worn knees are improving painwise, ie. they don’t pain me as much as they used to. I can almost run and almost walk the stairs without pain. All in all, this summer was a great physical experience. This last year I have taking a break from any physical training, because my body told me in the fall of 2007 that it couldn’t take anymore. Even swimming gave me muscle and skeleton pains. Clear signals that I could not ignore.

This summer, part of my vacation was in Poland with good friends and together with my son. We went on a one week trip to an area with great biking trails. And we went on long bike trips every day. This time my body responded well, and I have now started training again. Swimming 1-2 times a week, and some bike trips in between. I look forward to loose a few kilos this winter, instead of gaining them. My knees, who are still protesting in stairs, will thank me for that.

I stated earlier here that I have regressed a little, and this reflects and manifests itself in my body physically. My neck has become stiff again, and my shoulders are constantly aching and uncomfortable.

I keep waving my arms and tilting my head in all directions in order to keep it “loose”. I suspect that these symptoms come from stress are related to the breakup with my girlfriend. She means a lot to me, but the long distance relationship we’ve had since the beginning took it’s toll on our love. She couldn’t bear it anymore. I don’t blame her and I’m not bitter. She made me feel much better a whole year in this very tough part of my life. I hope I made her life better too. I think so. Even though her breaking up with me is still a little mysterious to me. I wonder what would have happened if I had gotten that CI long ago??? Would I have become happier and have more humor and strength? The future will tell what happens to me after the CI-operation.

Status update IV – early autumn 2008 – part 1 of 5

Hello again, world! Sorry for my absence lately…

It is time to summarize my condition and status concerning the CI-process again. What has happened since last time and what is current approximate time schedule?

It’s now a rough period for me. Things are heavier and I struggle with a lot of different things internally. It began this late summer. Personal life hit a speed bump and for the first time since I “hit the wall” back in 2006 I have regressed somewhat. The positive in this rough patch is that this time I’m more aware of what is happening, and I’ve been strong enough to avoid depression and destructive “artificial solutions”. This is very much thanks to the ongoing psychological therapy I continuously attend. And of course, it has mostly to do with my inner strength and my own reflections and attitude. My therapist constantly reminds me of that. It is about time I remind myself too. I feel like I have finally grown up, at the age of 36! Way to go, I say to myself. Better late than never

Life in general

I have projects to keep me busy. I’m fixing up the apartment these days. Painting doors white (they had this dreadful dirty greenish seventies retro color with dark brown/black frames. Some retro is cool, but these doors were outright depressing). I paint both the frames and the door blades white and give them new brushed steel handles which is much nicer. Maybe it’s new doors of perception I am making? I certainly will perceive them differently after this refurbishment and renewal process.
I also have a long “to do-list” hanging on the refrigerator, so when I have the money for it, I’ll continue on that.
My son is at my place a lot, which is a handful for me, but very rewarding and pleasing. We have a lot of fun. Maybe I’m too much of a weekend-dad, but hey, life is too short to be an uptight authority figure all the time… My son gives my existence a real meaning. A reason to keep fighting and to stay in there.

I just started my own company. Got it registered and already have one big client which is enough at the time. Since I’m a beneficiary of a government support arrangement, I’m only allowed to earn a certain amount extra, which suits me fine. I’m not able to work that much anyway. So this arrangement is perfect at the time being. I’m starting something new, I’m keeping busy, avoiding the couch potato depression and making myself ready for post CI.-surgery.

My familys place in Sweden is a resource for me. I can do all sorts of physical labor things there, at my own pace and only the stuff I enjoy doing. It is a sort of therapy, to do practical things. When I focus at the task at hand, I can forget about the whole world and everything for a time. Things I do is various tasks with our 1959 Fordson Power Major tractor, building a tree hut for the kids (will eventually have three floors and be the hut I dreamed about as a kid   ), maintaining a patch of forest wood as a lumberjack. We’re also currently trying to fix up a garden that had been dormant for 6 years or so. We’re making a rose garden with all sorts of roses. That includes trying to make a whole new lawn on a patch that is about 25 x 75 meters.

I take kayak trips, photograph, do some woodcarving, welding, fix my car and play around in this great workshop garage that we have, fixing boat engines among other things. I play with the idea of building a go-cart for my son with a lawn-mover engine…

Also I’m making plans for the future. The business and my new company is part of that. I am now able to try it out on a small scale, make experiences, and can then make a more qualified decision when I am going back to working properly again. I look forward to that. Get out, meet people, be social, and enjoy my home and free time with good consciousness.

Status update III – part 2 of 3 – Challenges of tinnitus

The tinnitus is a relentless as ever. Recently I discovered a way to explain how it sounds. I came to think of the TV test signals with the one-frequency audio sound. That is on about 1000 Hz and is almost the same frequency as my tinnitus. In other words; I have a constant TV-test audio signal blaring in my ears. I have a suspicion that the tinnitus has changed a little in the frequency the last months. The sound is a little higher up on the frequency-scale than I imagine it was 1 year ago… Tinnitus is the sound of my hair cells screaming goodbye forever. May they be revived upon the insertion of the CI-electrode arrays…

Distractions necessary

In order to distract myself from the tinnitus I either has to turn my hearing aids on and endure the “recruitment” and hyperacusia and wear myself out quickly, or engage my brain with tasks like reading, sudoku, various forms of art (I like wood carving, metal work, drawing, writing, photography and the processing of photographs in Adobe Photoshop and alike. Furthermore I like to get my hands dirty working on

alpine and rock plants on my balcony, plants in my living room, various tasks on our small farm in Sweden. Also I enjoy the diversities of the computer world wether it’s playing a strategy game like Command and Conquer, driving rally cars in Colin McRae Dirt, being a hyper modern deadly soldier in Crysis, or simply surfing the Internet, staying in touch with friends and family via email and IM. The computer is a big part of my life, especially since it was and will be part of my professional life and career. Oh, and “house chores” are also a nice distraction from tinnitus

OK, got a little sidetracked, but what I meant to say is this: I have to constantly distract myself with mental activity in order to keep the tinnitus away from the “alert”-consciousness. That in itself is depraving me of the opportunity to really relax and to build up some sort of surplus of mental strength. The results of this never ending battle with “recruitment”, hyperacusia and tinnitus is first of all extreme mental fatigue. It doesn’t take much to wear me down these days.

Consequences of this condition is that it takes more effort to concentrate. The endurance of concentration is shortcoming. Even concentrating on a dialogue is a challenge. To keep my own thoughts in order at the same time I have to concentrate on comprehending the things being said to me is a challenge. At the same time, my short term memory is failing me, probably from the exhaustion of all the other tasks that my brain is occupied with, thus giving me another task I need to concentrate harder on.

Fatigue and effect on body

The extreme fatigue I often experience puts limits to the extent of how much I can pursue my interests. It feels very limiting and prison-like. But I focus on the positive and whatever gives me joy. Having said that, I know that pondering a lot about the condition I am in isn’t necessarily a good thing. However I am such a person that almost never take the easiest way. I tend to analyze and scrutinize the hell out of anything, and then meet it with countermeasures that are carefully considered and self debated. It is a way of dealing with things that goes well for me…

The physical condition is linked to my psychological condition. The stress fatigue is sometimes limiting my capability of getting myself into physical action. At the same time, I have experienced that last year most of my muscle and skeleton-related symptoms (mostly pains and discomfort) has subsided. I have a theory that my body was in a state of stress just as my mentality was (still is) in a state of stress. My body just didn’t respond well to physical exercises. So last winters absence of extreme training has done me well in terms of reducing pains and discomfort in my back and neck especially, and subsequentially in my legs and shoulders (which was the reason I had to stop swimming regularly, last fall). My focus now goes to light physical activity and just having fun while doing it. Pleasure-driven and not self-forcing hard exercise seem to do the trick for me now. I focus a little more on my diet since I no longer burn so many calories.

Status update III – part 1 of 3 – Sensory input

Since I’ll be going offline in order to be a farmer, welder, lumberjack, car-mechanic and on top of that plans to undertake some kayak expeditions in Sweden next week, I might as well get my overdue status report out now. It became so long, I decided to split it in three and they will automatically post while I’m away (how neat is that )

My hearing and health status is difficult for others to comprehend. I have done a decent job explaining it to my family in small doses. Part of the problem to make others understand, is that it has been hard to understand for myself. It is a condition that seems kind of vague. Since I have no way of real comparison as to what is “normal” level of function, I have been assembling data here and there. Talked to post-CI operated, read some literature and most of all researched on the glorious WWW. The process is ongoing.

My hearing and health status

Technically I have a profound hearing loss. I’m almost as deaf “as a doorknob” as Abbie so nicely put it. A few remaining hair cells in lower frequencies up to around 1000 Hz (1 kHz) is all I have in my residual hearing. I have explained “recruitment” before, and that is still a big issue. Consequently I suffer from hyperacusia, which gives med a kind of head-ache within seconds. It feels like being struck hard on both sides of my head (by the ears) at the same time with something physical (as in blunt violence). The pain then seems to go through my head from ear to ear, kind of pulsating into the brain.
Sources that are prone to give me these hyperacusia-attacks is: my son when he forget himself and shouts/screams, the refrigerators compressor when I stand close to it, cars and traffic, multiple sources of sound (especially when trying hard to comprehend speech, the sounds coming from my computer (not sure if it’s vibration sound from hard drives or the chassis fans. The list of troubling sounds go on and on.

Secondary sensory disturbances are making themselves more and more noticeably.

Feeling of vertigo is increasing, and from time to time I experience trouble with my balance. I almost trip and have to make corrective steps quickly in order to prevent myself falling to the ground. Especially when visual context changes quickly, like first looking up at trees and the sky and then looking down on the ground. Or if I walk down a corridor, and stairs appear right around a corner… The sudden visual change from flat floor to stairs going down is becoming a challenge. Railing next to the stairs are a good thing for me now. This is a problem going down. Not so much while going up the stairs.

Photophobia is more acute than ever. White clouds are the worst weather condition for me. I can have trouble driving when the sky is white with bright illuminating clouds. Under such conditions, my eyes feel sore and I squint as much as possible, and sometimes the eyes get filled with tears. Sunshine doesn’t bother me much as I can avoid the direct source. An entire sky with bright white clouds are a little more difficult to shield from.  Thank heavens for sunglasses.
I also experience dry eyes after a day with a lot of light. My nice cozy 24″ computer flat screen can illuminate quite well, to the point of discomfort. Good thing all this is adjustable. I use a lot of dark colors on software’s skins, on desktop and so on. Also I have adjusted the panel itself to lower brightness. Let’s just say that at times I blink a lot, and I do take breaks.

My un-sound condition – pre CI era

I want to make this list in order to remind myself what it was like before I got the CI (2007/2008). Maybe I run into problems post-surgery post-sound activation and need a reminder of how I reacted to sounds before the operation(s). It’s a time capsule to myself…

Here’s a similar post I wrote January this year…

These are the sounds that causes great stress, fatigue, even pain and vertigo in me these days… 

• All things mechanical like car engines, especially bigger engines like on buses and trucks.
• to many voices at the same time, especially if a little loud
• the clanking sound of ceramics against ceramics (dinner plates)
• my son at the top of his voice (vertigo)
• my mothers voice when louder
• children voices
• the vibration sounds from my computer, or maybe it’s one of the fans
• inside my car
• elevator music and “muzak” (because it’s too faint for me to grasp, or too noisy otherwise, my brain tries too hard)
• the hiss from the steamer on a cappuccino-machine
• if everything else is quiet, the refrigerator noise is picked up by my HA and that sound wears me down
• the air-condition in office buildings and alike
• stiletto-heels and other hard shoe soles on hard surfaces
• vacuum-cleaner and other domestic appliances
• music    
• any sounds in a room with bad acoustics (naked floors, walls and ceiling echoing sounds)
• any background sound when I’m having a conversation

These are the sounds I can’t hear at all anymore even with hearing aids on

• Birds singing (could hear them faintly as a kid)
• My cat meowing
• My bedside alarm clock
• the fire alarm
• the doorbell
• running water
• rain falling on rooftop
• someone yelling my name from a distance or another room

My hearing diagrams

Finally got myself around to scan these charts and post them here

First of all, here is a source of terminology and technical explanations related to sound.

From 2004:

The yellow “banana” is the speech discrimation area for normal hearing. Deafness is defined as below 85 dB. The measurement stops at 100 dB. On this measurement I was intent on doing the best I could, so I probably cheated by looking at signs in the face of the lady doing the test, through the looking glass from the booth I sat in…. Another problem is phantom sounds or echoes that appear from the test itself. Did I hear it or not? Was it a phantom sound or a real test sound? I have taken this test so many times that I quickly get the rythm of sounds from the audiologist and know when the sounds go up and down… I know their testing regime instinctively… Sad thing it only hurt myself when I cheated on the tests, the hearing aids were adjusted based on these results…

From 2006, 2 years later:

 

A noticeable drop in the 125 to 500 Hz-area (the deepest bass sound frequencies). This is the last test I took before commencing the long road to a CI in Norway. There is no doubt, the hearing is declining and I am clinically deaf, and have been for some time….

I also took a speech comprehension test (bottom chart on the 2006 diagram) and I think I scored 0%… What I heard I could only take a wild guess on….

What’s next?

Not before long I will post an abridged translation of a letter that I have sent to the Norwegian Treasury Department (Finansdepartementet). This is something I have been working on for some time now, in the wake of the budget cuts at the premier hospital i Norway; Rikshospitalet (ref. last postings regarding my interview on national tv etc). This work was also the reason why I needed “time” off from my blog (good thing the Easter came in the middle of this). Stay tuned friends!

The cost of a CI-operation?

Can anyone tell me the cost of a CI-operation? Either for one ear, or simultaneously both ears?

I would like to “hear” (pun intended ) from everyone who has knowledge about it…

On a personal note…

My writing is a bit slow these days, I hit a mental bump in the road caused by these budget cuts I was interviewed about…

I’m sleepless in Oslo again, and thought it would be a nice opportunity for letting the world know I’m still here…. And finally browse through some old photos of mine…. Time to air them

Easter holiday is just around the corner, and I intend to spend my time at our Swedish farm by the lake to get my inner strength back. I will hopefully complete a restoration of a sturdy American built Mercury outboard-engine that has been broken and lying around for years.
Also I will take up a new hobby; kayaking! And with that another too long ignored interest of mine will be much more interesting: photography…

I imagine a lot of photo-opportunities just waits there for me to capture… Have plans to take it up again… Hope to show some of them off here on my blog in near future! These two were taken last year with my Nokia cell-phone, imagine what I could do with a proper camera….

And good wishes (and a little jealousy     ) goes to these recently CI-activated blogger’s! Pay them a visit and leave a happy Easter note and let them know we’re CI-happy for them! Some of them has posted their activation videos, check it out!

Sam the brave-blade-Runner, Steve the Ruminator, Michael “ReBuilt” Chorost, Abbie “Contradica”, Jennifer “the butterfly” and Jeff “metalhead”.

 

With this last picture I took last year around Easter time I bid thee good night and I wish all my readers a happy Easter holiday!

Technorati Tags: cost of CI,CI,cochlear implant,sweden,kayaking,photography

Status update II

Where to begin??? Well, since my last “Status update from Nov. 6th 2007” (where everything is still valid, I won’t repeat everything) some things has changed.

Overall everything is a little bit worse. Tinnitus is loud, perhaps more constant, fatigue is a bit more severe. I get tired a lot faster from a lot less sound. Headaches are frequent.
It’s gotten to the point where I can’t stand the sound of pretty much anything. Even faint fan-noise is uncomfortable. I’m pretty much intolerable to any sound now.
Less than a year ago I was able to listen to music, now I have my hearing aids turned off more than they are on… I rely more and more on my lip-reading skills…

Bilateral CI-operation is still my number one priority. Other than that I continue to take care of my 7 year old son, my fantastic girlfriend (so grateful to have you in my life, honey!!!), family and myself as best as I can. My psychologist has helped me to be able to be comfortable with the fact that there’s not much more I can do. So instead of feeling lost in a black hole, filled with despair, I relax as much as I can, think positive as much as I can and so on. But I have to admit that some times I get the blues and wished that CI-operation could be in the past instead of in the future. But then again, that’s something to look forward to, right?

I am now at about number 60 on the waiting-list for the CI-screening. About 4 months ago I was at the 100th place. If that pace holds, it means about 10 patients a month, which means I could be looking for an appointment at around 6 months from now… Say august… I certainly hope so!!! I really shouldn’t complain, because I’m a lucky guy, really, who live in Norway and these kind of operations are funded by our health-care system… But things can always be better! If not for me, than maybe for the future post-linguistic-deaf person who need CI…

It will be interesting to see how the hospital will respond to my request for doing both ears simultaneously…. It’s not at all standard procedure, I know. It’s just that there’s really no alternative for me, so I might as well get both ears done at the same time…

I think the technology is ripe (Advanced Bionics Harmony with HiRes90K implants that can do 120 frequency bands), the surgery-techniques have developed and are pretty secure. Besides, operating one ear at a time is less cost-efficient than doing both at the same time. 300 000 NOK for one, and 500 000 NOK for two. That’s a whopping 20% saving! Or 100 000 NOK in plain numbers. Not to mention, my recovery will be over once and for all, and I can get back to the workforce sooner.

If the surgeries are done one at a time, I guess it will be almost 3 more years before I’ll get through it for good. In total that could be 6 years (!) of my life dominated by this CI-process…

The long walk…

If I also take into consideration the time I spent dealing with the fact that I slowly lost my hearing, I would have to add a few years to those 6 waiting for CI. I also struggled with work since 2002. I’m up to almost 10 years of my life!!! If everything had been optimized, it could have been as short as 2 maybe 3 years….  Something could have been done a lot better by the health-care system and by the governments…

I hope that I will be able to work and function even with one CI, but I know it will take more strain on me. I know how it is to be deaf on one ear, too (all those times with defect HA, no good battery etc. etc.). And remember, CI is not fixing my hearing to a 100%, but maybe 30% of perfect hearing. Those 30% is certainly a lot more than the 0,5% I have now…. In fact, it’s more than I ever had. All my life I had approximately 20% residue hearing… And if I get more sound from all over the frequency-chart, I will be a very happy normally functioning deaf man!

Other than my deafening, my knees are shot, I’m still waiting to hear from the hospital after the initial response that my request has been recorded and acknowledged… I’m not able to do any physically challenging things like running (forget it), ice or in-line skating, swimming(!) or long walks…  I’ve been gaining kilos all throughout this winter   More of me to love

Last night I finally got through the sleep-registration for detecting if I’m suffering from sleep apnea or just plain snoring… Something I decided needed to be ruled out as cause or bi-factor of my relentless fatigue…. Report is due in the mail sometime soon…

I have to thank all my blog-friends here: Thank you for sharing your experiences with the world, thank you for reading my blog and for encouraging words and support! I salute you all! You are indeed a well of good information!

Beautiful Butterfly Jen, Bionic Woman Abby, Running Crazy Sam, Michael is writing Chorost, Metal in his head Jeff, Great Cochlear Kids, Roberta from Italy (where’s your blog?) and many more!

Technorati Tags: postlinguistic deaf,cochlear implant,deaf

Unconditional condition

I just sat very comfortably in my favorite chair in front of my computer for two hours, doing some work that requires concentration. I had no sounds to distract me, since I turned my hearing aids off for the work-session.
I can’t stand the sound of the fans, even though I have water-cooled most of my rig, the hard-drives give off too much heat for the whole thing to be able to run without fans… I think the sound can’t be much more than 17 – 20 dB (according to fan specifications), and that’s a faint sound, really. But my hearing aids are the most powerful there is (to my knowledge) and they’re cranked to the max. (Widex Senso Diva). So I turn them off more and more these days…

The recruitment is killing me if I don’t turn them off.

The tinnitus is there as always, but not really bothering me concentration-vise. It’s sort of comforting, since the sound now has a rather steady tone. (before it was a chaos of frequencies and variations in strength/volume)
Anyway, I sit, my head is not moving, my eyes are only fixated on the screen, and my concentration goes to the task at hand. The first hour goes fine, no problems.
The second hour I start to get physical sensations in my head. It is like pressure building slowly up.
I had a good night and I’m not tired. I have no stress to complete the work I do, and have no deadlines for anything. It’s Sunday

Then suddenly I get these auditory sensations, it’s like a silent storm. I can feel it somehow. Not like pain, it is not unpleasant, it’s just a sensation of very weak electric current in my brain. Like a blanket of electricity sliding back and forth like the radar screen image.  It’s like a soft “wooosh” inside my brain…
The sensation that I have are connected to my ears, and at the same time they affect all of my brain (at least it feels like it does). I have no control of this sensation.

I wrote about this sensation before, connected to a pre-sleep phenomenon. This is very much the same, only now I get it during daytime too…

Seconds after this “wooosh”-sensation I feel dizzy (I guess there’s some kind of activity affecting my Vestibule where the balance-nerves are situated). It’s a weak vertigo, even though I sit still, are at peace with no stress. And I know I don’t have Meniére, thank goodness…

After this my ability to concentrate is worse. It’s difficult to keep a thought for as long as I like. My mind has always been a multitasking one; while doing one thing, my mind has been working out what the next thing I should/want to do… This is impossible in the state I’m in after only two hours of working effortlessly… It’s frustrating for me, because if I’m doing something that gives me a thought that I want to pursue, the short-term memory isn’t working as I’m used to. So when I complete the task I worked on, I KNOW that there was something I thought of doing, like searching for a special kind of information, or look up a certain fact etc. etc. But it’s gone… Sometimes I sit for 10 minutes of more, pondering what it was that ignited that thought, trying to reconstruct the idea for myself… Sometimes I get it, most often I just move on… I can’t let it get to me.

In short it makes me feel like I’m cognitively amputated… The SUDOKU-thing helped me understand this better…

And by writing this now, and concentrating on the subject and all the aspects of writing, I feel I’m pushing myself… I’m starting to get a headache now… This is the part I do not understand at all…

I haven’t heard a sound all morning (it’s now 12.30, I started working at 9.30). I know my hearing is disappearing, and the tinnitus is singing it’s tune. But why is it a strain for me to do something that doesn’t affect my hearing? Why do I get this dizzy feel, why the headache, why the memory-problems, why the multitasking problem, why the feeling of fatigue? Can it be that the optical-nerve also lies close the the nerves of the auditory nerve and the balance-nerve? It is all connected somehow…

My jaws feel like they had a punch (they’re sore, like I chewed gum for a few hours). My temples hurt a little bit. The dizzy feeling is there (but I’m not having trouble with the balance, though).

This state/condition will last all day, until late at night, then I feel better again, but the paradox then is that I need to sleep. I might me tired, but want to stay up because the world feel somewhat more vivid to me. Is it connected to me originally being a B-person? I’m not extreme, have no troubles getting up in the morning whenever… (but used to)

Technorati Tags: recruitment,tinnitus,deaf,cognitive,vestibular disorder,senses,bteha,vertigo,fatigue

Vestibular disorder symptoms I have experienced

I came across an interesting website for an organization called VEDA (VEstibular Disorder Association).  I found this list of possible symptoms that is very interesting.

Image copied from “vestibular system.” Online Art. Encyclopædia Britannica Online. 23 Jan. 2008
Here is an explanation of the Vestibular system.

I did not initially place all these symptoms into the same category (i.e. having to do with my hearing), but maybe I should have??? I exctracted the whole list and will excempt (a strikethrough line) those not experienced by me. If commented, the comment has been marked like this.

This list was a revelation to me… It all fits, kind of… Seems it connects to the wiring of the vestibulo-cochlear nerve: the nerve that carries information from the inner ear to the brain. Also called the eighth cranial nerve, auditory nerve, or acoustic nerve. If the “recruitment”-theory in my previous article holds water, the information about these symptoms could also have some bearing on the subject of my condition.

Vision

• Trouble focusing or tracking objects with the eyes; objects or words on a page seem to jump, bounce, float, or blur or may appear doubled
• Discomfort from busy visual environments such as traffic, crowds, stores, and patterns.
• Sensitivity to light, glare, and moving or flickering lights; fluorescent lights may be especially troublesome Very much so!
• Tendency to focus on nearby objects; increased discomfort when focusing at a distance
• Increased night blindness; difficulty walking in the dark Yes, have to find walls or points of support in order to be able to move, get a complete feeling of immediate disorientation
• Poor depth perception

Hearing

• Hearing loss; distorted or fluctuating hearing Well, that’s not exactly news…
• Tinnitus (ringing, roaring, buzzing, whooshing, or other noises in the ear) Very much so!
• Sensitivity to loud noises or environments Especially high pitch like childrens voices
• Sudden loud sounds may increase symptoms of vertigo, dizziness, or imbalance Yes!

 

Explaining the analogy: "Recruitment" of hair cells in cochlea

During my research into my own declining hearing- and health condition, I came across information about a phenomenon regarding hair cells in cochlea called “recruitment”. I strongly suspect “recruitment” is what happens to me. It certainly would explain a lot of the things that happen(ed) to me and my hearing and the fatigue…

(Most of the text that follows is copied from this page at hearinglosshelp.com and edited by myself for the sake of this blog and my readers.)

What is “Recruitment”?

Very simply, “recruitment” is when we perceive sounds as getting too loud too fast. How is it possible to hear too loud when the hearing in fact is vanishing, you may ask… Well, be patient with me and read on…

“Recruitment” is always a by-product of a sensorineural hearing loss. If you do not have a sensorineural hearing loss, you cannot have “recruitment”. In simple layterm this means that this condition only affects those who have a significant loss of hearing caused by haircell-damage in cochlea (mainly).

As a sidenote; there are two other phenomena that often get confused with “recruitment”. These are hyperacusis (super-sensitivity to normal sounds) and phonophobia (fear of normal sounds resulting in super-sensitivity to them). Both hyperacusis and phonophobia can occur whether you have normal hearing or are hard of hearing.

An analogy for understanding how “Recruitment” got its name

Perhaps the easiest way to understand “recruitment” is to make an analogy between the keys on a piano and the hair cells in a cochlea.

The piano keyboard contains a number of white keys while our inner ears contain thousands of “hair cells.” Think of each hair cell as being analogous to a white key on the piano.

The piano keyboard is divided into several octaves. Each octave contains 8 white keys. Similarly, the hair cells in our inner ears are thought to be divided into a number of “critical bands” with each critical band having a given number of hair cells. Each critical band is thus analogous to an octave on the piano.

Just as every key on the piano belongs to one octave or another, so also, each hair cell belongs to a critical band.

The requirements for “Recruitment” 

When you play a chord on the piano—you press two or more keys together but they send one sound signal to your brain. Similarly, when any hair cell in a given critical band is stimulated, that entire critical band sends a signal to our brains which we “hear” as one unit of sound at the frequency that critical band is sensitive to. This is the situation when a person has normal hearing.

However, when we have a sensorineural hearing loss, some of the hair cells die or cease to function. When this happens, each “critical band” no longer has a full complement of hair cells. This would be analogous to a piano with some of the white keys yanked out. The result would be that some octaves wouldn’t have 8 keys any more.

Our brains don’t like this condition at all. They require each critical band to have a full complement of hair cells. Therefore, just as any government agency, when it runs short of personnel, puts on a recruitment drive, so too, our brains do the same thing. But since all the hair cells are already in service, there are no spares to recruit.

Getting to the point – what “Recruitment” means

What our brains do is rather ingenious. They simply recruit some hair cells from adjacent critical bands. (Here is that word: recruit or recruitment.) These hair cells now have to do double duty or worse. They are still members of their original critical band and now are also members of one or more additional critical bands.

With only a relatively few hair cells dead, then adjacent hair cells may just do double duty. However, if many hair cells die any given hair cell may be recruited into several different critical bands, in order to have a full complement of hair cells in each critical band.

 

 

The results of the phenomenon known as “Recruitment” – the conclusion

The results of this “recruitment” gives us two basic problems. (notice the underlined parts!)

1. The sounds reaching our brains appear to be much louder that normal. This is because the recruited hair cells still function in their original critical bands and also in the adjacent one(s) they have been “recruited” into.

   Remember that when any hair cell in a critical band is stimulated, the whole critical band sends a signal to our brains. So the original critical band sends one unit of sound to our brain, and at the same time, since the same hair cell is now “recruited” to an adjacent critical band, it stimulates that critical band also. Thus, another unit of sound is sent to our brains. Hence, we perceive the sound as twice as loud as normal.

   

   If our hearing loss is severe, a given hair cell may be “recruited” into several critical bands at the same time. Thus our ears could be sending, for example, eight units of sound to our brains and we now perceive that sound as eight times louder than normal. You can readily see how sounds can get painfully loud very fast! This is when we complain of our “recruitment”.

   In fact, if you have severe “recruitment”, when a sound becomes loud enough for you to hear, it is already too loud for you to stand.
   

2. The second result of “recruitment” is “fuzzy” hearing. Since each critical band sends one signal at the frequency of that spesific critical band, when hair cells get recruited into adjacent bands, they stimulate each critical band they are a member of to send their signals also. Consequently, instead of hearing just one frequency for a given syllable of sound, for example, perhaps our brains now receive eight signals at the same time—each one at a different frequency.

   The result is that we now often cannot distinguish similar sounding words from each other. They all sound about the same to us. We are not sure if the person said the word “run” or was it “dumb,” or “thumb,” or “done,” or “sun,” or? In other words, we have problems with discrimination as well as with volume. If our “recruitment” is bad, our discrimination scores likely will go way down.

   When this happens, basically all we hear is either silence, often mixed with tinnitus or loud noise with little intelligence in it. Speech, when it is loud enough for us to even hear it, becomes just so much meaningless noise.

   This is why many people with severe recruitment cannot successfully wear hearing aids. Their hearing aids make all sounds too loud—so that they hurt. Also, hearing aids cannot correct the results of our poor discrimination. We still “hear” meaningless gibberish.

   However, people with lesser recruitment problems will find much help from properly adjusted hearing aids. Most modern hearing aids have some sort of “compression” circuits in them. When the compression is adjusted properly for our ears, these hearing aids can do a remarkable job of compensating for our recruitment problems.

Technorati Koder: recruitment,fatigue,disorder,hair cells,cochlea,deaf,deafness,hard of hearing,understanding hearing loss

Sudoku vs. cognition

What in the world could the term Cognition have to do with Sudoku? Well, let me explain…

For a Sudoku to be solved, you need to be able to learn, reason and remember numbers. Most of which has to do with the term “cognition” (click the word above for a precise terminology).

I learned about my own cognitive condition from doing a lot of Sudoku the past years. For instance I learned that having poor sleeping over longer periods made my Sudoku solving ability very poor. Also if I was plainly tired from a long day, my Sudoku skills suffered. Other things that made Sudoku hard for me to solve was the (for the time being) ever present fatigue, tinnitus and level of blood sugar.

After I became quite skilled in Sudoku, I recognized variations in my own mental performance. And soon it became apparent to me that my mental performance also followed certain patterns. And this is the interesting part that made me want to share this with my readers.

Sudoku taught me when I was tired in a time where I was always tired, if that makes sense??? It’s the fatigue-thing I’m talking about… How did THAT help me? Well, there was variations of tiredness over time. Some days I just couldn’t remember from 5 minutes earlier, or I had trouble concentrating on the task at hand (I have a special routine for solving them). And since I was all about getting better, noticing the good or bad days for Sudoku gave me an external method of measurement of my mental state in a period where my own built-in sensor needed calibration, so to speak

Sudoku taught me how to trust and USE my own sense of tiredness again. The feeling of tiredness is a signal to ourselves to slow down, to take a break, to eat and drink, to sleep or take a nap and so on…

Yes, I was truly f***ed up, I had lost the ability to heed the signals my own body and mind gave me… Sudoku helped me almost in a scientific way to regain that.

I continue to do Sudoku, allthough not as much as I used to, but it is still a fine tool for measuring my own cognitive skills. And I can recommend Sudoku to everyone as mental training. It has been and continues to be useful to me, not only as a tool for mental measurement but also as hobby that trains my cognitive skills somewhat… And we all could do with better brains, right?

Mentally drowned

Feeling of defeat is not a good feeling. Yesterday I attended my fathers 60th anniversary celebration and had some experiences with my hearing, or rather, the lack of hearing…

In the days up to his celebration yesterday, I had my son with me as I usually have every second (extended) weekend. This time I really had my hands full just dealing with my son. Not that he is raucous or anything. But my strengths go only to a certain level these days as demonstrated yesterday. I was supposed to bake a cake to the celebration, which I had voluntarily said I would bake. And I really wanted to do it, too. But the thing with my memory when fatigue hits is that it’s very similar to what happens when one has depression; performance is poor…

Luckily one of my brothers has gotten a knack for baking himself lately (as he is expecting his firstborn I guess his domestic consciousness arises   ) and the cake supply was sufficient.

Family members who hasn’t seen each others for a few years have a lot of catching up to do. Usually I try to arrive a little early, in order to be able to have a few words with whomever gets in before there’s too many. This time the weather was bad with blizzard so the drive took it’s time…

I sat down in the couch in the corner (always try to avoid getting any sounds behind me) and could not distinguish anything that was being said around the table.

Being happy to see relatives, wondering what had happened in their lives lately, I guess I tried too hard in the beginning. I quickly got tired from trying to follow conversations.

My blessed super girlfriend sees right through me, and could tell how tired I became just by looking at me. She made me aware to take a rest by turning my hearing aids off. But in a situation like that it’s nearly impossible to be able to rest, because my eyes do most of the work. I scan the room to see if anybody has their eyes directed on me, if they are talking to me. And every now and then someone does talk to me, and I turn on my HA and lean forward to try to decipher what they ask me…

After a few hours I was shot… Simply shot….  No strength left, and I was on my “emergency battery”. I told everyone that I had to leave because I didn’t feel good, and I gave them a quick explanation. I’m lucky to have a understanding family.

But the feeling of defeat was quite heavy. I felt forced to withdraw before I wanted to. I hated it. But it was necessary…

Yesterday it was clearer than I ever have experienced… It is very difficult to describe the state of my condition then, but I’ll give it a try:

If you take a whole pack of chewing gum and chew on it a whole day you know you are bound to have an aching jaw, ok? This was quite a similar sensation: the side of my head felt like it had been pounded by someone with boxing gloves for a few hours. Headaches (on the sides, around my temples), a sensation of dizziness and all sounds was kind of like painful. The sounds were unpleasant and felt intruding and annoying.

Today, as I write this, my head still has this ring in it. I write this now even before I have gotten out of my bed, because I know that not before long, I will be mentally too tired to conjure any text like I want to…

It’s a hellish place to be… Like being forcefully drowned mentally. And because the transition to deafness is so slow for me, I have fallen in some kind of trap, by not being able to protect (get CI) myself in time.

But here I am, and I have to take care of my son, myself, and keep on with my life. I know there is a solution for me up ahead with the CI, and it can’t come soon enough!!!

I have high hopes for 2008 to be the year when I either get word of when my first CI will be inserted…

I need it badly, as confirmed yesterday….

Technorati Tags: fatigue,near deafness,CI,cochlear implant,senses,hearing,condition,sick,symptoms,out of it,drained,unpleasant

Cold on cold winters day

Still suffering from that common cold I reported on a few days back, I feel it takes forever to recover. I’m an impatient guy who hates to be slowed down. But I guess the years have given me at least a little more of that precious patience. When I grew up i was prone to get ear-infections and had more than my fair share of common cold and alike.
This time it has been a while since last round so I notice things more vividly. I am even more baffled by the impact the clogged sinuses and all other symptoms have on my hearing. Talking in a controlled environment is harder, thus giving me even more strain by communicating. Being in noisy environment communicating is virtually impossible.

I have become quite obsessed these last years about dressing myself properly to avoid getting cooled down and thus more vulnerable to catch a cold os something similar. I make sure to stay warm on feet, head and neck as good as I can. I can sense when I get bugs in my body, and mostly I feel I’m able to beat it down before I get sick. It takes a few hours sleep and a lot of heated beverage like milk with honey in it

Sometimes I wonder if I’m developing paranoia for illness, or if I’m a hypochondric…

Speaking of hypochondria, I remember when I was young I was often accused of being hypochondric, because I complained a lot. In retrospect I can understand that, and at the same time, I understand my own behaviour. What I didn’t understand was how I was affected when I had a cold. And being young and utterly impatient the feeling of increased isolation and deafness wasn’t easy to deal with.
Over the years I have slowly come to terms with all the issues concerning my state of hearing, and I have also developed this “smartness” in avoiding getting sick. I’m quicker to sense when the air is getting colder on the evening in the late summertime/beginning of fall. I know my own body better and treat it with more respect than ever before.

I do exercises on a daily basis to prevent back and neck-pains. I have gone a few rounds with my physician, and have been able to determine that my right knee has a injury to it that needs closer attention. I guess I’m simply more bodily aware than ever before, and that is a good thing, because I need to optimize (compensate) for the secondary impacts of my near deafness on my body.

For example, my back pains originate in the fact that I use my neck to protrude my head when I have trouble hearing (you know; putting my ear out to signal that I do not hear properrly). Over the years that have resulted in a neck that does not harmonize, thus straining my back further down, causing secondary symptoms.

A course with a psychomotoric therapist and advices from my girlfriend has taught me this.

The exercises I do now really feel beneficial to me. Amount of back pain is reduced to almost nothing. Headaches caused by stiff neck and stress is reduced. All because I won’t stop trying to figure things out….

Link to Spine-Health, about common cold and hypochondria

Technorati Koder: hypochondria,common cold,health,sick,paranoia,exercise,back pains,near deaf,hoh,hard of hearing

In sickness and health

Coming from a lot of resting and relatively no stress I can feel somewhat energized. But the feeling of fatigue is less than one hour away still, and that can be frustrating. But I have come to terms with the fact that this is how it is – for now anyway. And I feel that I’m getting better a little at a time. I hope it’s not just wish-thinking…..

Yesterday I came down with a regular cold. Comes with the season, and especially when you have kids roaming in germ factories like schools.

All hearing aid users probably know this: being hard of hearing makes you a extra deaf when being “stuffed” and having to blow your nose every ten minutes or so… But for people who do not know how it is to be hard of hearing and use hearing aids, it’s virtually impossible to understand the impact of a common cold on hearing aids users. This is what I want to try and explain now.

When common cold occurs, one is likely to get an increase in internal pressure in the neck/throat region due to various swollen glands. This in turn puts pressure on internal organs in the head, hence headaches, light-sensitivity and REDUCED HEARING. When the cochlear has more internal pressure where the hair-cells are situated, the gel-substance that carries the sound waves to the hair-cells is a little less sensitive. That means that the overall amount of energy that reaches the hair-cells in cochlear is being reduced.

Then there’s also the impact of all the fluids that forms in the sinuses.
With reduced hearing in the first place, such an reduction on the hearing gives a larger effect on hard of hearing, thus making us more deaf.

Aside from the normal symptoms of common cold that makes you tired, feverish and so on, it also makes near deaf’s have to put even more energy into the business of communicating.

I propose that near deaf need an extra low threshold for sickness leave from work etc. It is also important that the employer understand the fact that common cold has a stronger impact of people with hearing disability.

Technorati Tags: sickness,fatigue,health,understand hearing loss,near deaf,cold,common cold,symptoms

Battling tinnitus, headaches and fatigue

While living my life, with the absence of the working life strains, I still have to deal with stuff that is quite heavy.

First out is the tinnitus. Coming on strong in the evening and especially before sleep, I can feel the phase-shift as I have taken out my BTE HA (behind-the-ear hearing-aid) and the sound-world has disappeared.
After only a few minutes the concert starts with mid-level frequency sounds (where I have never ever had a sound chart reading above 110 Db) trying to find the right tune, just like violinist warming up before a show. The level of sound varies a little, and I have different sounds in the right ear from left ear. In short: a cacophony just as a whole orchestra is warming up before a concert…
Sometimes I get a spike of sound. A sound very distinct almost like the ping sound a submarine uses in it’s sonar just lasting a little longer. And that sound startles me every time, since it’s very loud. And it pops up in both left and right ear totally randomly.

Then there’s headaches. I get headaches almost daily for what feels like very different reasons. Sometimes it’s the overload of sounds either in loudness or in durability. Other times it’s strain headaches from stress from various situations, or just plain stiff neck. And the wintertime low sunshine on clear days can also induce headaches. Seems like I have a low tolerance for headaches. Just checked my brain with MR and x-rays and all results came back negative, which is good news. One less thing to worry about.
I have taken some actions to fight the headaches, and I think I’m on the right path. I have started doing exercises for my neck. And I’m doing it very slow and careful now in the beginning, as I get headaches from doing these simple exercises.
Most HOH and near-deaf people have one thing in common: we move our head forward as to signal to anyone that we need to hear better. I think it is also an instinct in order to make the distance between us and the source of sound as short as possible.
My neck is  very agile going forward, but back and to the sides, it’s as stiff as a stick…. So these exercises, bending my head back and forth, from side to side, and rolling my head slowly around are having an impact… I can feel the cracking of neck-bones and the headaches come bad right away, which I think is the rush of blood extending the blood vessels in my head. And my head isn’t used to those extending blood vessels, thus giving me headaches… I hope it’s temporarily, because if it is, I know I’m on track of doing something that will improve my day to day shape.

Then we’re on to the fatigue… Tinnitus and headaches clearly attributes to the fatigue, no doubt. I have also recently heard about a phenomenon called “recruitment” that could explain the sensations I get from my ears and the following feeling of fatigue and exhaustion. Will read more about that later, and research it too. See link to the article I found under the heading: “Special Subjects”.
Depression is also a common factor resulting in fatigue… Am I depressed??? I really am not sure… Sometimes, yes I would say I’m depressed, other times I’m as happy as a lark in the sky singing away… So, you tell me…

Technorati Tags: recruitment,near-deafness,symptoms,life,hearing,tinnitus,psychology,coping

Fatigue epiphany

Just back from a session with my psychologist, where I dealt with the matter of fatigue. I learned something new about myself, and I guess this knowledge could be useful to many who are hard of hearing or near-deaf.

The state of fatigue is the subject that I want to raise here. Of course fatigue can have many reasons, both external, internal, material and spiritual. I want to discuss the mental aspect of it that became very clear to me today: When I get the notion in myself, that I’m tired, it starts a whole range of other reactions:

Emotions:

• anxiety (am I sick, is something wrong with me?)
• stress (what did I do to become so tired??? why is this happening?)
• sadness (the feeling of fatigue sort of disables me from being energetic, joyful and contributing to my surroundings)
• hopelessness (damn, is this how my life has become? Is this how I’m supposed to live my life???)
• and many more… (it is a little chaos of mixed emotions)

The emotions manifests into:

• Stomach feels like a brick, hard and heavy
• Neck becomes stiff
• Sensations of pain are more prone (backache, headache, muscle and tendons)
• A constant state of emergency (to put it short)

Last week, when I spoke with my incredifaboulofantastic girlfriend about this subject, we agreed that when I have the notion of being tired, I should simply say; “I need a break”.

This was the genius of it: instead of saying that:

“Oh, I am tired, I need to go by myself and be more tired” (thus pushing myself even further into the mental state of fatigue),

I can say, “Oh, my senses had a handful, they need a little rest, and then I’ll be fine again”.

By digging into the notion of fatigue, and really FEELING the weight of the emotions, I have also become more aware of what is happening to me in terms of thoughts, reactions and the results of those… This way; I can make a difference in myself by avoiding chains of thoughts that give me negative emotions and drain me even further of the precious energy I need to cope with the present situation of being near-deaf…

I hope this means something to someone, because it was an epiphany to me!

Technorati Tags: psychology,deafness,near-deafness,rehabilitation,health,life,fatigue

Status update

Tinnitus is still there, disturbing concentration and sleep. The left ear seems to want to join the debate as to wether the hair-cells in my cochlears are about to wither and die or not… For the time being, the tinnitus is bearable because it’s inaudible during the time I wear my hearing aids (HA). But I have noticed times when the tinnitus breaks through even when I wear my HA. So the signs is that the tinnitus will not subside or fade, on the contrary…

Fatigue is still severe and limiting my activities on a daily basis. However, I have now organized my life in order to have less activities, and it feels good. I get more ability to initiate things I want or need to do. I still have to do a job regarding my own mentality towards the fatigue (how I cope with the feeling of being “empty”), but having said that, I have now eliminated most possible external causes for the fatigue.

Bilateral CI-operations are still my number one priority in the long term. In short term it is my son, girlfriend, family and myself. As for the CI, I do research, talk to people, evaulate back and forth. I have also checked out the status of stem-cells research of regenerating hair-cells in the inner ear, and the conlusion is that it is indeed exciting and promising, but not plausible to expect within the next 10 – 15 years. That rules out stem-cell therapy on my part. If I by getting bilateral CI-implants ruin the possibility of stem-cell regeneration of my cochlear hair-cells, so be it. I live now, today! That will be for the next generation of deaf and near-deaf.

I mentioned music in a posting yesterday; The music’s over – for now… Since I started this blog, the time spent listening to music has declined automatically and quite evenly as I started reducing the strain on my ears as an experiment. It requires too much concentration of me to listen to music anymore. Before I could get a kick out of music even when relaxing. Today I need to really focus and also have the lyrics in order to “get” something from the song I’m listening to… After a very short time it starts to feel like my head has been through the washing machine…

(Reminds me of “It’s all gone – Pete Tong” – a movie about a DJ who looses hearing)

Symptoms from too much sounds:

• Pounding and pulsating sensation in head (brain?)
• dizzy (I’m even getting troubles with balance if I overdo listening),
• my counscious level is reduced (like I’m sleepy but I’m not),
• concentration has diminished (harder to follow what people say to me, I concentrate harder),
• cognitive skills reduced drastically (I know this thanks to my un-scientifically measurement method using Su-Doku)

and…  I suspect I’m getting mild migraine from time to time, even though that could be related to the fact that I quit nicotine permanently 18 months ago. My brain is perhaps still adjusting to the fact that my blood-vessels are getting sound and healthy again. The migraine-tendency could be caused by dilated blood-vessels in my brain, and if this is the case, those pains will subdue soon… Prone to light-sensitivity, I also turn down the intensity of lights.

On a personal level, my life is good, I enjoy being a father, and have a wonderful girlfriend with whom I can spend time. My family is close to me, and somewhat engaged in my condition. Friends still keep in touch with me. I’m feeling active and engaged, working on several “projects”, including this blog and fixing up my apartment and helping my mother and stepfather with their recently aquired small-farm. I keep in touch with former employers, and have moral support from them, have several contacts in the near-deaf-community and so on.

The Doors – When the music’s over

Recently I have stopped listening to music on a regular basis. This saddens me deeply, and I feel it will be fitting to take a moment to mark the transition to real deafness with a piece of music made of a band I truly enjoyed listening to: The Doors. Even more befitting is the song I selected… Hope you enjoy it more than I am able to!

(Mind you, I will be able to hear music again if the CI-operations go well!!!)

Lyrics:

Yeah!

When the music’s over
When the music’s over, yeah
When the music’s over
Turn out the lights
Turn out the lights
Turn out the lights

When the music’s over
When the music’s over
When the music’s over
Turn out the lights
Turn out the lights
Turn out the lights

For the music is your special friend
Dance on fire as it intends
Music is your only friend
Until the end
Until the end
Until the end

Cancel my subscription to the Resurrection
Send my credentials to the house of detention
I got some friends inside

The face in the mirror won’t stop
The girl in the window won’t drop
A feast of friends
“Alive”, she cried
Waiting for me
Outside

Before I sink into the big sleep
I want to hear, I want to hear
The scream of the butterfly

Come back, baby
Back into my arms

We’re gettin’ tired of hangin’ around
Waitin’ around, with our heads to the ground
I hear a very gentle sound

Very near, yet very far
Very soft, yeah, very clear
Come today, come today

What have they done to the Earth?
What have they done to our fair sister?
Ravaged and plundered and ripped her and bit her
Stuck her with knives in the side of the dawn
And tied her with fences
And dragged her down

I hear a very gentle sound
With your ear down to the ground
We want the world and we want it…
Now
Now?
NOW!

Persian night, babe
See the light, babe
Save us!
Jesus!
Save us!

So when the music’s over
When the music’s over, yeah
When the music’s over
Turn out the lights
Turn out the lights
Turn out the lights

Well, the music is your special friend
Dance on fire as it intends
Music is your only friend
Until the end
Until the end,
Until the end

The importance of the eyesight when deaf

Three days ago I tried contactlenses for the very first time. I’ve been using glasses since the age of 13, so this was a new experience… Because of my reduced hearing I rely heavily on lip-reading as an aid to understand the spoken words.

My use of eyesight does a great deal of compensation for the lack of hearing since I learned lipreading techniques as a kid. The “IOWA”-test I did about a year back showed that with the hearing-residue I have, combined with lipreading I got a close to 90% score on understanding speech without ambient noise present. (I fill in the remaining 10% with qualified guessing) With noise present it dropped to 60% and without lipreading it was 0% perception of the spoken words… Conclusion: I rely heavily on lipreading.

Mother nature has given me eyesight that has declined throughout the years. Last time I got my eyes checked was three years ago, so it was long overdue. The new lenses give me much better sight without the hassle of scratches, fingerprints and greasestains from the frying pan.

It takes a little while getting used to, but after three days I can say that I wish I did this two years ago. I think some of my fatigue, headaches and general strain derives from the lack of following up on my eyesight. To be honest, I didn’t think of it before my girlfriend asked me to consider lenses since the glasses get in the way all the time when we want to kiss

As with mye hearing, the eyes also degenerate into poorer performance so slow that it is virtually undetectable in everyday life. I’ve learned a lesson: do not assume that your senses are allright, go get it checked at least once a year!

So yet again, something that I have to thank my great fabulous girlfriend for!!!!

Thanks for being in my life sweetheart!